Today, for shits and giggles, I googled “dating while a single mother”. Sometimes I want to know what bullshit people are putting out there to vulnerable minds.
Here’s what I found:
“Single mothers have become the women they’re meant to be.”
“Single moms are kinder to themselves.”
“Single mothers are a stronger, happier version of themselves.”
Soooooo, basically single mothers are supposed to suddenly…upon becoming a single mother…whether it was at conception…or IMMEDIATELY upon the finalization of their separation from their partners…HAVE ALL THEIR SHIT TOGETHER.
Find their purpose in life,
(which is obviously mothering and mothering alone)
love themselves entirely despite recent traumas, and be a whole NEW and improved version of themselves.
Looking back on my beginning as a single parent, or ‘single-mom’ as most people term me, I have only one regret.
I regret how much I cared about what people thought of me.
Starting out as a single parent from pregnancy is a whole lot different than becoming a single parent later on in your child’s life. Shame was projected on to me in a way that made me entirely hell bent on proving every one wrong. Therefore, I had to be the perfect parent, and my child had to have it all. And while trying to be perfect mom and give my child the best of the best, I had to LOOK like I had it all together.
I absolutely did NOT have it all together. And I absolutely KNEW that I didn’t have it all together. Depression and frustration were staples in my life. But so long as no one saw that; so long as I looked the part, reality didn’t matter. It only mattered that I proved them wrong…or at least made them think I did.
Two points of realization:
- People expect WAY too fucking much from single mothers. (Not single fathers. Single mothers.)
- If I’m not the “single-mom” you want me to be…
I don’t give a shit.
For all my single mammas from all walks of life,
Stop fighting. Start living.